The Bridegroom

He who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom’s voice. For this reason my joy has been fulfilled. He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:29-30

Here is an unexpected face of God: the bridegroom. In its context, the passage above is John the Baptist speaking to his followers who are wondering if they should now follow Jesus. John confesses that his own ministry must now decrease so that of Jesus can increase. John was the warm-up act, but Jesus would now be the star of the show. This was not reason for sadness but for rejoicing. In fact, John says that hearing the voice of Jesus made his own joy complete, and therein lies a lesson for us.

We live in obsessively individualistic times, and the idea of willingly taking a back seat to anyone seems absurd. Many of us act as though the universe revolves around us, which in a sense is true, but only in a very limited sense. Anything and anyone that might remove us from our privileged pedestal is a threat. Certainly, one of the biggest and most frequently occurring threats is that of change. Our ego does not like change, except for when it is someone else who changes to accommodate our desires. In order to allow Christ to increase in our lives, however, our ego must be coaxed out of the limelight and corralled into its subservient place.

The biblical analogy of Jesus as the bridegroom positions us – including those of the male gender – as the bride (“He who has the bride is the bridegroom.”). Although this reference is not widely used in the Bible, it is particularly interesting and thought-provoking. In Genesis (2:24), speaking of marriage, the author writes: “Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh.” Could it be that Jesus left his Father in heaven to come be one life with us? I think that is exactly the implication. A marriage implies a close relationship – so close that the two lives become one. The New Testament references to a wife submitting to her husband (Titus 2:5, for example), so troubling for so many, may stem from the need for us, as the bride, to submit to the Lordship of Christ, the bridegroom.

In this context, masculine and feminine refer to an orientation to another and not a gender assignment. Any of us can choose this orientation in a particular situation regardless of our gender. Although some feminine traits may come more naturally to those born as a woman, we all possess unique combinations of masculine and feminine characteristics. In Ken Wilber’s book Integral Spirituality (p. 15), he writes, “…the healthy feminine principle tends toward flowing, relationship, care, and compassion…” The inference is that in order to receive the invitation of the bridegroom, we need to be in a flow with the divine, to be in right relationship with God and others, and to have those relationships characterized by care and compassion.

God in Jesus manifested as a perfect union of physical body and spirit – 100% human and 100% divine. With the Christ as our bridegroom, we are invited into what some contemplatives refer to as a mystical marriage. It is mystical in the sense that it is not a typical physical union – we cannot see, hear, smell, taste, or touch this bridegroom. We must develop a broader set of perceptual capabilities – spiritual senses – in order to consummate this union. A mystical union is one where two lives unite, yet retain their individual natures. Jesus’ humanity did not diminish his divinity, nor did his divinity diminish his humanity. He retained all of both. A new being is created – reborn, if you will – that is neither, yet both. The face of God as bridegroom invites us into a mystical union where we do not lose the traits that make us who we are, but which strips those traits of the distortions that limit their use for higher purposes. In other words, we become far better and holier versions of who we already are in Christ.

The bridegroom awaits…

Note: this is the 25th in a series of Life Notes on the Faces of God.