Those Who Mourn
Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. Matthew 5:4
The second of the Beatitudes seems almost too obvious to warrant serious consideration, that those who mourn will be comforted. If it were so obvious, why would Jesus bother to say it? Perhaps the answer, as is so often the case, is that the truth in the statement is deeper than it appears. For one thing, one does not have to look far to find people who mourn who are not being comforted. After my father died, I mourned (poorly) for years. Yes, there were many who stepped up to comfort me, but what about the sleepless nights, the dreams, and the times I simply wanted to share something with my dad? He never met my wife or my children. He was not present to congratulate me on graduations or other achievements. Where is the comfort when one heart mourns for another and there is no one near to ease the burden?
Interestingly, mourning manifests from different causes. We most often think of mourning from the loss of a loved one by death or other separation. Mourning can also occur from life-altering events over which we have no control. In addition, mourning happens with regret over past behavior, although this type of grief is often pushed beneath our conscious awareness. In the book God For Us1, Lauren Winner offers several fascinating insights into suffering. She writes, “There is something light in mourning – or at least something lightening – precisely because there is something true in mourning. To mourn the consequences of sin is, oddly, to edge very close to joy, because any encounter with the truth, even the truth of sin, has some hint of the lightened joy that comes when we allow ourselves to see things not as we wish they were, but as they really are; and a hint of joy that will come when sin is no more.” When our mourning stems from past behaviors, it is something that weighs heavily on us in such a way that we know we are carrying a heavy burden, but we cannot consciously pinpoint the source of the load.
The larger point is that proper mourning is important to our well-being and wholeness. When we are not allowed – by ourselves or others – to fully mourn our losses and regrets adequately, we find ourselves living in an ambiguous shadow of gloom. Being sad is an emotion and is not the same as mourning. True mourning names and exposes the source, the pain, and the way forward. It reaches deep within to bring everything associated with the pain into conscious awareness where it can be acknowledged and, eventually, healed. When done properly and patiently, mourning is transformative. Clearly, professional assistance is usually required.
One reason we tend to rush through our mourning is the sense of vulnerability and insecurity it brings. To acknowledge our weakness from and powerlessness over our life’s circumstances, or even over our own behavior, forces us to rearrange our understanding of life. That same vulnerability, however, is what opens us to comfort, rebirth, and resurrection. Thus, the words of Jesus, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” The fact is we cannot be truly comforted until we have actually mourned. Further, mourning is not a one-time event, but a process that takes however long it takes – weeks, months, or years.
In his book, The Prophetic Imagination2, Walter Brueggemann, writes about our nearly pathological resistance to acknowledging or even discussing the certitude of death – our own and that of those we love. In reference to this Beatitude, he says, “Only those who embrace the reality of death will receive new life. Implicit in his (Jesus’) statement is that those who do not mourn will not be comforted and those who do not face the endings will not receive the beginnings.”
Hidden within our mourning is new life – a fresh beginning – just as the freshness of spring lies hidden within the desolation of winter. There is no way to get to spring, however, except by going through winter. Not only will those who truly mourn be comforted, they will be blessed by the process.
This is the 12th in a series of Life Notes entitled “What Did Jesus Say?”
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1 Lauren F. Winner, God For Us. Edited by Greg Pennoyer and Gregory Wolfe. Paraclete Press, Brewster, MA. 2014. Page 75.
2 Brueggemann, Walter, The Prophetic Imagination (Second Edition), Fortress Press, Minneapolis, MN. 2001. Pages 56-57.