Blessed are the Peacemakers, Part 3

Blessed are the Peacemakers, Part 3

“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”[1]

The past couple of weeks I focused generally on international and religious violence. This week I zero in on more personal contexts of violence – that occurring in families and other intimate relationships. Jesus’ statement that “blessed are the peacemakers” does not specify a context in which the peacemakers are to make peace, but it does refer to peacemakers as “children of God,” which at least draws on familial and relational imagery.

As anyone who has parented children knows, being a parent is not an exact science, particularly in disciplinary or correctional matters. Is spanking a child an acceptable practice? Is spanking okay when used only as a last resort? Is yelling at or threatening a child with violence acceptable? Is diverting their attention from the issue at hand or putting them in time-out always the most appropriate course of action? How do we balance being a good, effective parent and a peacemaker?

There are so many variables to consider it is impossible to establish hard and fast rules for discipline that apply in every case. For one, children are not homogeneous; nor are parents. As a child grows, they morph through many vastly different physical, mental, verbal, and emotional stages, each with its own challenges and reasonable expectations for change. Disciplining a child who is tired or hungry is a much different task than for a rested, well-fed child who is questioning or reacting against the fairness of a particular situation. Certain children are stronger-willed than others, seemingly resisting parental authority simply for the purpose of resisting. How we feel about the ways in which our parents disciplined us certainly influences our decision-making processes. And just as a child’s current physical, mental, and emotional state impacts their behaviors, so will the physical, mental, and emotional state of the parent impact their tactics in parenting. A tired, hungry, or stressed parent will respond much differently to parenting challenges than will the same parent who is rested, well-fed, and not stressed.

Does strict parenting of a child achieve peaceful submission? Maybe, at least for a time. But parents cannot control their children forever, and overly-strict parenting breeds resentment in independent children who often bide their time until they can establish a measure of control over their own lives. Parents and bullies may be able to temporarily control behavior with threats of violence or removal of certain privileges, but they cannot extinguish the flames of individualistic passion that burn within. In fact, too much enforcement of such control only fans those flames into a conflagration awaiting its time to explode.

And although it is a different context, being in an intimate relationship presents similar challenges. The fact is that we are never the same person physically, mentally, or emotionally as we were an hour ago, a year ago, or a decade ago. Nor is our partner. Like a child, we change over time, although perhaps not as dramatically. How can intimate partners best keep peace within their relationship and still handle the conflicts that necessarily arise? One piece of folk wisdom that is often given to couples, and that in my opinion should be thrown on the junk-heap of history is this: Never go to bed angry with each other. In my experience, sometimes the very best way to find effective solutions to problems is by first getting a good night’s sleep.

In my opinion, success in peacemaking in intimate relationships begins with respect, consideration, and recognition – respect for the other as a child of God (regardless of their current behavior), consideration for their current level of maturity, and recognition of their current physical, emotional, and mental state. Note that the onus for this application of awareness and constraint is on us – we as the peacemakers. We cannot bring peace to a situation when we are caught up in the heat of the moment. A perspective away from intense emotional fire is needed, where a more rational and inclusive picture of the situation can be objectively formed and assessed. The other vital element in peacemaking is love – love for the other(s) where they are and how they are, even and especially when they behave in difficult ways. As long as our love for the other is assured, we will always be able to persist toward a peaceful end. And we will do so non-violently.

And this is why Jesus says that the peacemakers will be called children of God. We believe God is love, love as modeled by the non-violent life and teachings of Jesus the Christ. As we learn to accept everyone around us as fellow children in the family of God, interconnected with and inseparably tied to us, we will know ours is a shared fate. And although we may not always approve of their behaviors, nor they of ours, we can peacefully co-exist in familial bonds that cannot and will not be broken.

This is the 18^thin a series titled Blessedness and Woe.Life Notes are my explorations into mysteries that interest me. They are invitations for readers to explore more deeply into life’s mysteries. Engage with me or explore contemplative spiritual direction at ghildenbrand@outlook.com.

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[1] Matthew 5:9